some more thoughts on you

i don't always know what thoughts are rushing in your head.

what i do know is that i'm glad i'm part of what you're thinking about.

even if it's not all the time.

i like that you have your plans set for your family. i like that you're not afraid to tell me that i'm included in those plans. i'm glad that you're not afraid to ask questions. i'm also astounded by the way you make conversation with me. the way you listen. and the way you accept or respect my thoughts. the way you have views and values on your own.

i love how firm you are in your beliefs. i admire how you don't talk about things but you practice what you preach. i see how your actions speak louder than your words. i appreciate you for accepting my fangirling side. i am amazed at how in sync our minds are for most of the time. and if they're not, i'm glad it doesn't stop us from talking to each other.

i feel so disappointed at myself for not knowing you earlier than i already have. but i know that without what we've experienced in the past with other people from other places, our minds would not have been shaped into our virtues, values, and beliefs now. i know that you wished you knew me earlier too. from the moment you told me that the second time we talked over the phone that you already had feelings then, i knew that there were regrets running through your mind. there were certain pages in your book that you wish you could just rip out. i have my compilation of pages too. some events, some people, some circumstances i wish that had not happened.

but the most important part right now is being able to move past that, right?

i'm so glad you're willing to move past certain things with me. i love how you're unafraid to tell me you love me, even at the risk of me not saying it back just yet. i'm glad that you respect my time, my decision, and my pacing. i didn't lie when i said you're probably on chapter 50 by now and i'm still on chapter 2. i'm a slow reader. i like to take things slowly. you won't be able to savor a moment when you run through it too fast.

we take things day by day.

i'm glad you've established a rhythm with me for that.

i just hope i don't get my hopes up too high when all your plans don't work the way you want them to (as with all the others before you). i also don't want to be in such a hurry. it's been months. even though people say it's been a long time already. it's only been a month.

either way, thank you for everything. i can't say it right now because it's too early but three words, eight letters... i'll say it when the time is right. i'll say it, hopefully, before it's too late. i'll say it when i really mean it. when all the thoughts in my head are unblurred. when the clouds start to clear out the skies. i'll say it when i have no more fear attached to the word and the commitment it takes to follow through.

three words. eight letters.

i can't decide on this just yet. i need to get some sleep.

i'm probably just ecstatic because nobody has ever shown interest in me like you do. it's not scaring me. on the contrary, it's giving me more courage. it's telling me to be more brave. it's God showing me all the signs i need to see. i just need to take action for the answer.

hey, you.

i'll talk to you tomorrow. <3

-e.c.